Onyx V St. Syr

So as many of you know, our poly triad is no more. It blew up rather spectacularly and beyond repair. Scarlet wrote a post about the break up and her account of things is pretty accurate. It’s been nearly a month and I don’t feel like going into further details.

In the weeks that have followed I’ve had a lot of time for introspection, to think about what went wrong and in retrospect it seems so surreal, so crazy. There were so many warning signs, so many things we should have done differently, but we didn’t and so it had to end.

Marla and Scarlet are both gone now, moving back with their respective parents. It’s weird living here by myself now. I haven’t lived totally on my own in a very very long time and adjusting is not easy. I miss Scarlet fiercely, but I am glad she is taking the time she needs for herself. She is working on figuring her life out and I know she needs to. She has gotten a piercing apprenticeship up in her hometown with a piercer she knows and trusts. It’s something I know she’d be good good at and something she’d enjoy doing. I am happy for her, though it means she will not be returning to Seattle in a long long time, possibly several years.

I don’t know what the future will bring. I am taking things one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Trying to figure out where to go from here. Scarlet is not the only person who needs to find a focus for her life, I very much need to as well. I gotta learn to define myself as an individual, not just as part of a relationship. I’ve grown a lot these last 4 years with Scarlet. I still have a lot of growth to do. I hope she and I have a future together, but that is dependent on us both focusing on ourselves and our individual growth for a good while first.